Chronic Pain
Last night I laid awake...staying awake seemed easier than falling asleep and waking up wishing I were dead. This pain is unbearable. My body finally gave out and I passed out at 5:30, only to wake up with my back stiff and my inability to sit up. To make it worse my two year old was passed out beside me, so in efforts to keep him comfortable I just laid there. In pain. My life is lived in a constant state of pain. Here in the next few days I have an appointment with a mental health specialist, because the state of mind I've been in is terrifying. One of those, "I'd rather be dead than alive" mentalities. As a mom of four, a very loving mom of four, I hope this puts my pain into perspective a bit better. It has been a month since the first thought quickly came across my mind...taking a Tylenol knowing that it would do nothing and just thinking, "I wish I were just dead." I buried the thought. What if someone found out? What if someone thought I would hurt m